Low self-esteem and anxiety: tips and advice to help your child

Emotion: Self-deprecation

A child who does not feel up to the task harbors negative thoughts about themselves. Without nuance, they tend to generalize their self-judgment: I am useless, I am not good, I am bad. In short, any negative judgment about themselves will make them feel this sense of self-deprecation.

How to help?

When you hear your child say such things, your reaction will probably be to show them that they are wrong. But often, the more you contradict them, the angrier they will become. They may even try to convince you that they are right by giving you all possible examples where they have not been up to par. A sterile exchange then begins; you, trying to convince them that they are good, and them responding that they are the worst in their class. Rather than entering this endless waltz, focus instead on what they confide in you by trying to be specific. The more you dissect the exact object of their self-deprecation, the easier it will be for them to find adapted ways to deal with their difficulty.

Emotion: Anxiety

Another emotion that greatly hinders task accomplishment is anxiety. In this case, the child imagines that something terrible (in their eyes!) could happen, and they do not feel that they have the tools or means to protect themselves. Obviously, what they consider horrible is probably trivial for you, an adult, but for them, it's a mountain to climb. Telling them that it's nothing, that it's not serious, that they are worrying about unimportant things will only fuel their distress as they will feel that you do not understand the magnitude of their situation.

How to help?

Situations that seem harmless to you can be a major source of anxiety for a child: displeasing the teacher, being alone during recess, having to raise their hand in class, asking an adult a question, asserting themselves with a friend, having to pack their bag without forgetting anything, remembering to bring their lunch box – everything can be an opportunity to experience anxiety!

Since we, adults, view situations with adult eyes, we tend to forget that children's brains do not yet allow them to conceive of things as an adult would. If it is difficult for you, despite your maturity and life experience, to put yourself in their shoes to understand how they view things when you have already gone through childhood, can you imagine for a moment how impossible it is for them to conceive of these situations from your point of view with a completely immature brain?

If you notice that your child is experiencing anxiety, avoid minimizing the object of their fear. Instead, try to understand their perception of the situation by questioning them with curiosity to see their point of view. Question them with kindness and empathy to uncover the source of this emotion. Once identified, you can then lead them to change their perspective by providing them with the missing information.

When you help your children regulate their negative emotions, not only are they able to find effective work methods and solutions to their problems themselves, they are also better prepared to integrate concepts, learn, and face challenges. I therefore invite you to focus less on solutions and more on reducing the intensity of negative emotions experienced by your child. Once freed from these tensions, they will surprise you with creative solutions to their problems.

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