Back to school: establishing clear and positive expectations

Why expectations make all the difference

A child who knows what to expect feels more secure. It’s not about rigidity or control, but rather predictability: when you know the framework, you can navigate it with confidence, and the energy that would otherwise be spent guessing the rules can instead be used for adapting, learning, and making friends.

Clear expectations are not synonymous with severity, either. They can (and should!) be phrased in a positive way, focusing on what you wish to see rather than what you want to avoid.

Expectations to establish before the big day

A few days before the start of the school year, take the time to clearly state expectations in different areas of school life:

• Morning and evening routines: what time to wake up, what needs to be done before leaving, what time to go to bed on school nights
• Homework and schoolwork: when it is done, where, and with what level of autonomy based on the child's age
• Classroom behavior: listening, raising a hand, respecting others, asking for help when needed
• Screen time management: times permitted and those reserved for work or sleep
• Extracurricular activities: how they fit in with the new schedule

The important thing is not to dictate everything, but to discuss together what is realistic and what really matters to your family.

How to formulate positive expectations

The way an expectation is communicated directly influences how it is received. Here are some useful principles:

• Focus on the "how" rather than the "don't." Replacing "don't forget your bag again" with "let's pack the bag together the night before" completely changes the dynamic.
• Involve the child in the process. A child who helps define their morning routine, for example, is much more inclined to follow it than a routine simply imposed on them.
• Be precise rather than vague. "Be more serious at school" provides no concrete direction. "Put your materials away before leaving the classroom" offers a clear and observable action.
• Adapt expectations to the child's age and temperament. What is realistic for a 10-year-old isn't necessarily realistic for a 6-year-old, and what works for a rather reserved child might require adjustments for a more impulsive one.
• Celebrate effort, not just results. Highlighting that a child tried, persevered, or asked for help reinforces behaviors that are far more lasting than a grade or a single result.

Talk about it before it becomes a problem

One of the most frequent traps is waiting for a behavior to become a problem before clarifying what is expected. It is better to be proactive: discuss expectations as a family before school starts, rather than discovering them in response to a difficulty.

These conversations can happen naturally, while walking to school, during dinner, or during a quiet moment at the end of the day. The goal is not to have one perfect big discussion, but rather several short, recurring exchanges that allow for course correction as needed.

Remember that expectations evolve

Expectations set in September are not set in stone. As the child grows, the year progresses, and new challenges appear, it is completely normal (and even desirable) to revisit what was agreed upon. An expectation that is clear today may need to be adjusted in a few months, and that is precisely what makes it a living tool rather than a rigid rule.

A successful school year doesn't rely on perfection, but on clear foundations, communicated with kindness and adjusted as needed. With a positive framework in place, both children and parents can approach the coming year with a little more confidence and a little less uncertainty. 🍎📚