The dream of a proactive family: tips and tools to get there

Step one: a family meeting*

Once the vacuum was put away, I called the whole family together for an EXTRAORDINARY meeting! When I feel the urge to yell at my kids like that, it means something in this house is bothering me, and I'm not going to wait until I turn into a “mom at the end of her rope” to fix it. We were going to chat about it together and switch into solution mode. To illustrate my point, I told them about my experience at St-Hubert BBQ, the Quebec restaurant chain (feel free to borrow it if you want your kids to think you worked there, because this anecdote turned out to be very easy for kids to understand!). When I worked at St-Hubert, there was one very important rule that we all had to follow or risk being fired: “Never walk around empty-handed!” If all your customers are eating and you have no one to serve or clear, make the rounds of your coworkers' tables. We were productive because we worked together, not each for ourselves.

The problem here is that the parents have this attitude, but the kids are more of an “I'm not the last one who used it!” crowd. When parents do all the work, it's exhausting and it's not fair (to borrow my kids' words!). When parents are exhausted, they feel less like doing little extras, because just handling the bare minimum day to day is already a huge job. So I gave them a few examples: “In the morning, if I have to remind you to do your routine, or to put away all the little things you don't put away, I'm likely to do the bare minimum for breakfast. But if everyone does something (emptying the dishwasher, picking up a hand towel that has fallen on the bathroom floor, putting away a toy lying in the middle of the room instead of stepping over it, packing your own lunch, etc.), maybe I'll have more energy to make you pancakes or a nice smoothie that takes more prep...” (I have to say, I knew that mentioning smoothies or pancakes for breakfast would get a reaction!) That's what we call being PROACTIVE! So I proposed this: “For a limited time, if I see you being proactive, I'll give you a token! Are you in?” Everyone voted yes, and we decided to put the plan into action!

Step two: putting the solution in place

So I made them a printable to serve as a reminder, so they could keep in mind what being proactive means. Here it is:  My oldest threw himself wholeheartedly into “proaction.” I have to say, he already has a natural predisposition for it. What's wonderful about the General Store system is that when one of the gang makes an effort, the others feel obliged to do the same, since everyone wants an equal number of tokens to spend at the Store when it's time to pick out rewards.

Results

If you're wondering whether we solved the problem, the answer is no! But we've improved things a great deal. It all depends on the time you put into it. It's clear that it took a lot of observation in the first few days. “Well done, Louis, I saw you put away the puzzle piece you found on the rug, go ahead and give yourself a token,” or “Great job, Simone, I can see you really took care making your bed, you did your best, I can tell, you can give yourself a block.” With lots of patience, we'll manage to help these little people we love so much grow up and learn to take responsibility!

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