Simply receiving: practical tips to get there

When our children came into our lives, we quickly realized how important weekend dinners with friends were to us. Cultivating the joy of gathering around the table for a good meal, sharing important conversations and great laughter was paramount and a precious legacy to pass on to our children. But how can we continue and share this tradition when you have several young children without collapsing under the pressure?

I consider us lucky; we don't usually put a lot of pressure on ourselves with "standards" and etiquette. I still don't know if the knife goes to the left or right of the plate, despite the fact that I've asked my mother-in-law practically every Sunday evening for the past 15 years. This information just doesn't register in my head. Why? Because it's irrelevant to me and my philosophy for hosting friends and family around the table.

When we host on the weekend, we like our guests to feel welcomed and loved. In my mind and heart, this doesn't mean a beautifully decorated table worthy of magazines, nor an immaculate house, nor a feast that required hours of investment in the kitchen. What our friends are looking for when we host them is probably the same thing I look for when I gladly accept their invitation to come and eat at their house with the children: a sense of belonging to a community important to us, sharing, exchanges, laughter, good food.

Ultimately, the people we invite are much less complicated than we might imagine, and it's often us who put unnecessary pressure on ourselves for everything to be perfect. Most of us are looking to break the routine, to break the feelings of isolation and high speed that often come with the intense modern family pace. So why put so much pressure on ourselves for everything to always be perfect? Perfect in whose eyes? These are still social constructs that muddle our minds, cause us unnecessary stress, and often prevent us from simply gathering and having a good time; we find it complicated, with young children, to prepare everything and make it to our liking!

Recently, I was reading a book that shared the five biggest regrets of the dying. Among these regrets was not spending enough time with loved ones and the feeling of not having nurtured friendships, as well as not doing more often what made them happy. We know, with work, children, and weekend chores, how can we "squeeze in" a meal with friends? By focusing on simplicity, that's how! Because at the end of my life, I know I won't tell myself that my house wasn't clean or beautiful enough when I invited my friends over for dinner. Instead, I'll tell myself that I'm truly happy to have shared those moments, surrounded by loved ones.

In my opinion, the first step is to peel away the layers of false expectations we impose on ourselves. All of this stems from deep, ingrained social programming that doesn't make our lives any easier.

People are less complicated than we think: they never expect a perfect setup. They want a warm welcome, good times with friends, a break from routine, to feel connected. And when we do too much, people almost feel bad, thinking they'll absolutely have to return the favor! And that's where the vicious cycle of "more, more, more" begins, and eventually, no one invites anyone anymore because it's become too complicated, too expensive, too stressful.

Often, on weekends, we don't plan ahead; we like to be spontaneous. It often happens that on Saturday noon, we decide to invite friends for dinner that same evening or we accept a dinner invitation.

When it's at our place, we choose a simple menu that will allow us to be with our guests during preparation. That way, we can enjoy the moment with our friends while the kids play. This way, we don't spend the whole day preparing everything.

We also don't hesitate to ask our guests to contribute by bringing a dessert or snacks to share during aperitifs. This is something we cultivate within our group: we contribute, even when it's not at our place. We also like "potluck" formulas where everyone brings a dish to share. This takes a lot of pressure off in terms of preparation and costs associated with hosting.

The benefits of hosting loved ones, simply, are numerous: breaking isolation, feeling connected, sharing, laughing, feeling like you're part of a group are good examples. I also like to think that it greatly benefits my children too: they learn to be good hosts, not in the perfection of the decor, but in welcoming and taking care of the people who come to the house. They also participate in the preparation, doing groceries if necessary or a little cleaning before friends arrive (for that, long live owning less! It only takes a few minutes to put everything away!). They are witnesses and actors in a fulfilling social life that does a lot of good. They also strengthen their bonds with their friends and practice their social skills.

But the most important thing in all of this – for me, at least – is the pleasure of sharing meals and connecting, all together. Both children and adults feel loved, secure, appreciated. Ultimately, that's all that matters.

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