Evening Routine: The Anti-Battle Protocol

The universal template by age (30 minutes flat!)

From 18 months to 3 years: The "Cocoon" routine

From 7:30 PM to 8:00 PM (or according to your family schedule)

Step 1 - 5 minutes 

Activity: Tidying up toys

Anti-battle tip: Use a visual timer to concretely show the child how much time they have left, and use the same song every time to signal that it's now time to stop playing and put away toys.

Step 2 - 10 minutes 

Activity: Bath

Anti-battle tip: Fill the bath with lukewarm, not hot, water and give your child a maximum of two to three toys to avoid overstimulation. Dim the lights to create a more relaxing atmosphere.

Step 3 - 5 minutes 

Activity: Pajamas (and diaper if needed)

Anti-battle tip: Let your child choose their own pajamas, and always do the same pre-bedtime cuddle ritual (a special kiss, a little massage, etc.)

Step 4 - 8 minutes 

Activity: Brushing teeth and hygiene

Anti-battle tip: Use a musical toothbrush that tells the child how long they need to brush their teeth effectively, and if possible, brush your teeth at the same time to set an example.

Step 5 - 2 minutes: Hygiene

Activity: Last pee

Anti-battle tip: No negotiation, no going back! If the child tries to negotiate, maintain a neutral attitude and continue to follow the established routine.

From 3 to 5 years: The "guided autonomy" routine

From 7:45 PM to 8:15 PM (or according to your family schedule)

Step 1 -  5 minutes 

Activity: Tidying up

Anti-battle tip: Use a timer and ask your child to race against it! Chances are they'll be very motivated to put their toys away quickly!

Step 2 - 8 minutes

Activity: Shower or bath

Anti-battle tip: To avoid long baths every night, wash hair only on even days (or at the frequency you decide!).

Step 3 - 5 minutes 

Activity: Pajamas and getting dressed

Anti-battle tip: At this age, the child can choose their own pajamas and can also get completely dressed on their own.

Step 4 - 3 minutes

Activity: Brushing teeth

Anti-battle tip: For effective and thorough teeth brushing, set a two-minute "timer" with a song of that duration or a dedicated app. 

Step 5 - 7 minutes

Activity: Story

Anti-battle tip: Read only one book each night, and no more! To avoid endless negotiations, choose the book yourself; this will also allow your child to discover a multitude of stories, rather than always reading the same one. 

Step 6 - 2 minutes 

Activity: Bedtime and cuddles

Anti-battle tip: Favor a consistent ritual - three kisses, a hug, and turn off the light! Again, no negotiations or going back.

From 6 to 8 years: The "great autonomy" routine

From 8:00 PM to 8:30 PM (or according to your family schedule)

Step 1 - 3 minutes 

Activity: Preparing backpack and clothes for the next day

Anti-battle tip: Provide your child with a checklist of the different steps they need to complete to give them visual support if needed and thus develop their autonomy.

Step 2 - 7 minutes

Activity: Shower or bath

Anti-battle tip: Let your child shower or bathe completely independently, and only check upon exit if they have washed properly. 

Step 3 - 3 minutes

Activity: Pajamas

Anti-battle tip: Prepare clothes in advance so that the child simply has to put on their pajamas, without any questions or possible negotiation!

Step 4 - 3 minutes

Activity: Brushing teeth and hygiene

Anti-battle tip: Set a timer that indicates the necessary time for optimal teeth brushing, and perform a simple quick check when the child has completed their task. 

Step 5: 10 minutes

Activity: Quiet reading (alone or with a parent)

Anti-battle tip: Set a timer that clearly indicates the allotted time for reading, and do not allow a single minute more to avoid endless negotiations.

Step 6: 4 minutes

Activity: Discussion about the day

Anti-battle tip: Ask your child to tell you about a good moment they experienced during the day and a difficulty, to allow you to follow up if necessary and teach them to express their emotions at the same time.

The 3 non-negotiable elements

1- Teeth brushing

Why:

• Cavity prevention: oral health is a very important aspect of overall health, and cavity prevention is of course an integral part of it, in addition to causing pain and expense if they occur.
• The importance of hygiene: the hygiene routine performed at a young age represents long-term learning that will be useful to your child throughout their life.

Strategies in case of resistance:

• Use a musical electric toothbrush: in addition to being fun, it lets your child know exactly how long they need to brush their teeth.
• Brush teeth at the same time as the child: provides modeling of how to brush teeth correctly.
• Use a reward chart: give the child a sticker every time they brush their teeth well, without protest, and allow them to choose a small reward or privilege at the end of the week when they have earned all their stickers.
• Let the child choose the toothpaste: because children like to have control over their routine, allow them to choose a toothpaste from two options. 

2- Pajamas

Why:

• Putting on pajamas represents an important neurological signal, which helps the body understand that it must now prepare for sleep.
• For hygiene reasons, changing clothes between day and night helps to understand the notion of "dirty" clothes and "clean" clothes.

Strategies in case of resistance:

• Allow the child to choose their pajamas from two options: this will give them the feeling of having control over their routine.
• Prepare pajamas before the bath: this approach avoids the disorganization created by searching for pajamas in a hurry.
• Add a playful touch: make a dressing-up game, for example, by asking your child to put on their pajamas as quickly as possible or to do it like an animal. 
   
  

3- Consistent bedtime (with a maximum deviation of 15 minutes)

Why:

• The circadian clock, which is the body's natural 24-hour biological rhythm, adjusts according to established regularity; thus, if the deviation between bedtime and the usual scheduled time is too great, the shift risks continuing for at least a full week, which can greatly disrupt the established routine.
• Lack of sleep can have significant consequences for the child, and at the same time for the parents: irritability, academic difficulties, weakened immune system, etc.

Target times by age, according to pediatric recommendations:

• 18 months to 3 years: bedtime 7:30 PM-8:00 PM, wake-up 6:30 AM-7:00 AM (total of 11-12 hours of sleep)
• 3 to 5 years: bedtime 8:00 PM-8:30 PM, wake-up 6:30 AM-7:00 AM (total of 10-11 hours of sleep)
• 6 to 8 years: bedtime 8:30 PM-9:00 PM, wake-up 6:30 AM-7:00 AM (total of 10 hours of sleep)

The visual contract technique

What is it?

An illustrated routine chart created WITH the child, displayed at their eye level, which replaces the parent's 1000 and 1 verbal reminders.

How to create it:

Step 1: Draw 6 to 8 steps of the routine together
    •    The child draws or glues pre-printed images.
    •    You number each step together.

Step 2: Display the chart in a strategic location
    •    Ideally, install the chart in the bathroom or in the child's room, so that they can easily access it.
 
Step 3: Validate each step
    •  The child can check off each step when it is completed, move a magnet or sticker to a "Done" section, or simply circle the step they are currently performing.

Why it works?

• The child becomes an active participant in their routine and gains the desired sense of control when they check off each completed step themselves.
• The frequency of conflicts is reduced, as the parent only has to ask the child to look at their routine when they no longer seem to know what to do, rather than constantly having to repeat what comes next.
• A clear and accessible routine allows the child to know exactly what is coming and thus reduces their anxiety.
• Obviously, allowing the child to have visual support to help them with their routine helps them develop their autonomy, a valuable asset.
  
  

Alternatives to screens: gradual weaning over 4 weeks

You probably already know this, but screens before bed are not recommended, for both children and adults. Indeed, the blue light projected by screens blocks melatonin (the hormone that promotes sleep), stimulates the brain, and delays falling asleep by an average of 30 to 60 minutes. Therefore, to promote a smooth bedtime routine, make sure there are no screens available at least one hour before bed. 

Are your children already addicted and you want to change their habits? Here's a four-week weaning plan to help you.

Week 1: Gradually shorten

Objective: go from X minutes to a maximum of 20 minutes

• Five minutes before screen time ends, warn the child with a timer.
• Substitute the remaining time usually spent in front of screens with a calm activity, such as drawing or blocks, for example.

The script: "Screens stop at 7 PM now, what do you choose after: blocks or coloring?"

Week 2: Shift earlier in the evening

Objective: end screen time between 6:30 PM-7:00 PM, before the evening routine begins

• Introduce a transition activity, such as a snack or outdoor play.
  

Week 3: Introduce irresistible alternatives

Test these activity suggestions to find THE trick that captivates your child and allows them to more easily put aside screens:

• Parent-child reading: suspense books, episodic stories
• Short board games: Uno, Dobble
• Calm creative activities: coloring, play-doh, origami
• Soft music: listening to audio stories, nursery rhymes
• Imagination games: dress-up, theater, puppets
• Extended bath: bubbles, toys, dimmed lights
     

Week 4: Stabilized routine without screens

• The child should now have understood that after 7 PM (or the time you have set), it is a period for quiet games.
• If the child still asks for screen time, simply remind them of the new routine.
• Take the time to celebrate successes!

Parents' evening routine

Why your routine impacts children's routines

Children are true emotional sponges, and therefore feel it when you are stressed or agitated, resisting bedtime in particular. Adopt a calm and predictable attitude yourself and they will certainly be more relaxed; the routine will thus be greatly facilitated!

Your parallel routine during the children's routine

• Put the cell phone in a drawer.
• Dim the lights throughout the house to create a soft atmosphere.
• Adopt a lower voice and slower gestures to model the expected calm.
• Play soft music, or opt for silence (especially no background television!).
• Above all, do not respond to professional emails, scroll through your Instagram feed, or discuss tense topics with your partner during the children's routine.

In conclusion, the evening routine is not a flexible parent-child quality time moment. Rather, it is a functional protocol essential to the health of the entire family. Cuddles and connection should be before the routine, while the routine itself should be a sign of benevolent efficiency.

Belles Combines Solutions

The routine chart

To facilitate the routine and allow the child to develop their autonomy, use our small routine chart; prominently displayed in a strategic location, it will allow the child to follow the different steps they need to complete before bedtime themselves.

The Octave app

Our virtual family assistant automatically reminds you when to start the routine according to each child's age; no more reasons to skip it!

Take action

Starting tonight, apply the 30-minute routine adapted to your child's age!