Tips and advice for taming your child's anger

If there is one emotion that can be impressive in its most vivid form of expression, it is anger. We see children crying, screaming, hitting, biting; some even say shocking things when they are not throwing valuables or destroying property. Why do they get to this point? How can we help them?

Back to base

Emotion, as its etymology indicates, is a movement ( motion coming from movere ) that inhabits the individual and pushes him towards movement, action. The more intense the emotion, the more impressive the movement it causes. As adults, we have all acquired our own way of modulating this movement and we pass it on to our children.

The origin of anger

Anger manifests itself in ourselves when we see that reality does not conform to our expectations or demands. All people who feel anger have in common a specific thought pattern: "This is not how it should be."

Expressing anger

We express anger in different ways depending on our upbringing and circumstances. For some, this anger-driven movement will push them to do everything they can to make things happen as they have decided, even going as far as threats and physical force. Others will simply take the blow and turn a blind eye. Finally, there are those who listen to the message sent by the emotion and express their discontent in a constructive manner. Obviously, we would all like our children to thoughtfully express their frustration when faced with such an emotion, but they still need to learn to tame this emotion and the intense sensations it carries.

Taming the Angry Beast

The angry beast can be tamed if you invest a little effort in it, but how many parents are afraid of this beast that lies dormant in their child? As soon as it wakes up a little, some parents quickly try to scare it so that it returns to its den. "Stop it right now! That's enough, or I'll send you to your room!" To tame it, it is important that the adult remains calm and confident to welcome their child who is struggling with the beast and to reflect to them that they are aware of its presence simply by saying to them: "I see that you are angry."

Release tension

What you need to know is that the beast needs to stretch its legs and for that, as a parent, it is important to accompany, guide and direct your child so that he can release the tension that inhabits him. We then talk about regulation strategies: setting up a space where the beast can, in complete safety, deploy all its strength by tearing up cardboard, doing "jumping jacks", throwing balls at a wall, hitting a pillow or screaming into a scream box. Above all, you must not be afraid of what is done or what is said at this stage. Who has not, in the heat of the moment, said disturbing things just to let off steam?

Naming the emotion

Once the tension has been released, it will be helpful for the child to be able to name the beast and call it by its nickname since anger is just the name of its species. More precisely, it is called irritation, annoyance, impatience, anger, fury or even rage.

Questioning Anger

This beast did not wake up for nothing. There is something that goes against the child's expectations, desires or demands. At some point, according to his vision of the situation, he thought that it should not happen this way. Questioning his vision will not only allow the child to better understand himself, but you will then be able to better understand his conception, his desires, his expectations and try to reframe them so that he is more in tune with reality.

Express differently

Once you are able to better understand your child's conception of what should be and his way of seeing things becomes more realistic, the intensity that inhabits the beast will be reduced. With the beast thus calmer, the time will be right for you to help your child so that he can find a more adequate and less brutal way of expressing his desires and expectations.

And you? When a situation doesn't go your way, do you tend to shout your disapproval, close your eyes and move on or do you calmly and calmly express your desires, expectations and needs? Chances are your child manages his emotions the same way. Also, it's even harder for him to stay calm and composed because his brain isn't mature enough to regulate itself. See anger as a wild beast to tame and ask your child to illustrate it to you so you can get to know him. What wakes him up? Why does he wake up? What helps him calm down? Get him talking, you'll be surprised!

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