

The impact of attachment on our relationships with others
11 March, 2024 • Par Laurence Morency-Guay
Are you familiar with the concept of attachment? Allow me a brief theoretical reminder. In developmental psychology, attachment refers to a lasting emotional bond that takes root in the first years of a child's life, in contact with a figure who responds consistently to his needs (often the parents). If the child obtains adequate responses to the needs expressed, he will integrate that he can trust himself and others. Otherwise, a child who has not been satisfied by the responses offered when he had a need will develop an insecure bond , which will lead him to doubt himself and others.
This bond is lasting, meaning that once it is integrated, it cannot be changed. Our attachment style follows us throughout our lives. I would like to point out that an insecure attachment bond is not only the result of neglectful parents: it may be that a child with a more difficult temperament who expressed his needs less clearly or a very anxious but loving parent negatively influenced the creation of this bond. The important thing is therefore above all to identify our attachment style in order to learn to live with it and adapt to it.
Here is what the scientific literature notes regarding the manifestation of the attachment bond within future relationships. Hazan and Shaver (1987) thus classified individuals according to three styles.
The secure style (secure attachment bond in childhood):
They have a positive perception of interpersonal relationships and find it easy to relate to others . Unless there is a particular situation, their relationships do not cause them any anxiety. They generally have stable, solid and lasting friendships and romantic relationships .
Avoidant style (insecure avoidant attachment bond in childhood):
They are reluctant to commit to relationships . Within an intimate relationship, they are more distant, less affectionate, and often disengaged . They prefer to rely on themselves instead of teaming up with their partner.
The anxious style (ambivalent insecure attachment bond in childhood):
They tend to be jealous in the relationships they develop . They are more emotional in their exchanges and quickly demand exclusivity from their partners, always fearing losing them. They tend to depend more easily on others , and react very strongly to rejection.
Studies by Mario Mikulincer and Philip Shaver (2014, 2016) have highlighted that individuals with a secure attachment style in adulthood are more confident, have an easier time controlling their emotions, are more optimistic and resilient, and tolerate stressful situations better.
All in all, the research is clear: having developed a secure attachment style is a protective factor on a socio-affective level . However, if you notice traits in yourself that are similar to the insecure style, the first step to not being negatively influenced by them is to identify your reactions in distressing and relational situations in order to initiate a change in your internal speech . Therapy can then be very helpful!
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Sources:
Hazan, C. and Shaver, P.R. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of personality and social psychology , 52 (3), 511-524.
Mikulincer, M. and Shaver, P.R. (2014). The role of attachment security in adolescent and adult close relationships. In JA Simpson and L. Campbell (eds.), Oxford handbook of close relationships . Oxford University Press.
Mikulincer, M. and Shaver, P.R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood (2nd ed .). Guilford Press.