To turn off volcanoes and prevent explosions

10 January, 2020

As parents, there may be the impression of being in perpetual/continual management of the behaviour of our children! I have a good news for you! That is normal! Our minis are shaping up as an individual, and it is we, parents, with our support and discipline that will help them grow. Discipline! Wow! It's a big concept that has evolved a lot in the last few decades. If I look at the disciplinary model that my parents used in relation to our model at home, there are things that come back and there are things I don't want to reproduce. Mentalities have changed, ways of doing things as well. And that's perfect! In this article, I will try to help you understand the different spheres of discipline and I will propose ways to manage the more difficult behaviours. C, the letter to remember! There are different theoretical models, to explain to you quickly the discipline, I pigmented here and there the ideas that talked to me the most. It's easy to remember, all the keywords begin with the letter C. For each keyword, I give you a brief explanation, but also an example.
  1. Constance: Maintain its requirements over time.
If I don't want my boy to bring a toy into the car for the journey to the day care, I keep my advice. After a rough night, with several reveils, I may be tired. It may also be that I want to buy peace and let him bring his toy into the car. And this is the mother! You created a precedent! My boy will remember the next day and try to bring his toy into the car. And he will be right! If I am not constant, I have to expect that my child will not know what I expect of him. This is where the disorganizations (crises!) arrive. In us, these are the toys in the car, in other families, they are the candy at the grocery store, the biscuit before the dodo, etc. Consistency must also be present between the two parents. If Mom says no and Dad says yes, we're in a dead end! We're a team, we're standing!
  1. Coherence: To be an example.
If I want my child to put his shoes in the closet, it's important that I do it with mine. Children learn by imitation, you have to be a model. Otherwise, they will soon realise that we are inconsistent. In discipline, " Do what I say, not what I do " Is an enemy for the parent!
  1. Clear and short lines: Be concise.
It's four times that I repeat the same statement to my son and he still doesn't. After I have ensured that I have his attention, that he looks at me, I can begin to question my advice ... Is my advice clear? Could I shorten it? Remove unnecessary and unnecessary words that harm my child's understanding? We must give the essential and that is all. Even though as a parent, we want to explain and add to it ...It only harms our intervention. A statement, a few words. The child does not need more to know what is expected of him.
  1. Consequence: Remain logical
When my son does not listen to a deposit, I have to give him a consequence in connection with it. In the morning, my big was very slow to prepare. It was a " A big lambin "! For lambing, he was a champion! We have often lost patience with him because he refused to dress, to eat lunch, to brush his teeth ... Each step was long and painful. When he was told that he would not have time to play before he was ready to leave, he understood what he was losing if he did not hurry. The link was direct, the consequence was logical.
  1. Crete: Building on the positive
I will always remember my father when we were on vacation. When we were playing around the pool, he spent his time telling us: " Courses not, course, no course ". You know what? We would run the same! When I give a deposit in the negative form, I always have this little thought in my head. With a child, it is more efficient to say the expected behavior than to say the one that is not wanted. So instead of saying to my children: " Courses not, course, not "; I tell them to walk. In general, it works no worse! A few ways in gust! To intervene:
  • Positive reinforcement:
Welcoming, thanking, stressing good behaviour; giving the child the urge to reproduce it. We put on the beautiful things, about the efforts.
  • Modeling:
Be a model. I love the quote." Be the change you want to see in the world." I apply it every day to school, but also to my children. What kind of adult do I want to see them become? How can I show them, teach them? What do I expect from them?
  • Humour:
I use humor with my children a lot to undramatize or defuse a situation. It changes the tone and often the children quickly get on board. To prevent:
  • Choices:
If I feel that my boy is fragile and he is going to disengage, I often offer him 2 choices. It gives him a sense of control and as I propose to him 2 choices that suit me, we are winners every 2.
  • The organization of space:
In our daily life, there are several developments for children. For example, games with too small parts that I prefer to manage are stored in inaccessible places for children. Like that, it doesn't happen to me with the game and I have to remove it ... and the crisis is following it! Prevention is better than cure! On the contrary, everything they can manipulate and play is put at their height so that they are autonomous and do not always have to ask me.
  • The Family Council:
Behaviour may be disturbing for some family members. A family council could be set up that would allow the members in question to verbalize the problem, the family to reflect on the issue, and to find solutions together to solve the problem. My children are still too small for this one, but with older ones, it could make it possible to put words on the small conflicts of everyday life. Personally, I am for a positive and caring family discipline. I use patience and softness with my minis. I believe that difficult behaviours are only their way of expressing a need. They may need attention, security, asserability, etc. It is up to us as parents to try to find out what this need is and to intervene to fill it. For example, my son was continually opposed to our instructions and made crises. We have begun to offer him choices, to give him a sense of control and since the crises have diminished a lot. My big who came up several times at bedtime. He wanted water, to go to the bathroom, a hug ... It didn't end up! He wanted attention, love. At bedtime, we take the time to kiss him, to hug him, to tell him that we love him. We sing a few nursery rhymes, we give it back sometimes. It no longer comes up, its need is fulfilled. Discipline is a long-term job, and ours is still far from perfect! Every child is different and the parent is in perpetual learning! I hope that my little explanations and advice will have helped you to better understand the difficult behaviours of your children and will have equipped you with your family discipline. Keep in mind that positive discipline, maudine that it is not easy at the same time! But it pays off at the end of the day! Don't leave. You're champions!

1 comment

Julie Fortier

Je viens de découvrir votre site, une petite merveille! Merci beaucoup, très bien verbalisé!

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