7 caring commandments for new parents

22 February, 2022 • Par De Saison

7 caring commandments for new parents
By De Saison, Art of living and working

1- The spirit of the learner, you will adopt.

If there is no course for parenting, it may be because becoming a parent IS the course. No matter what you think you know or carry as certainty when you become a parent, from the start, it's unavoidable: you become a beginner again! So embrace that spirit instead of wanting to be perfect.

Certainly, you have to learn to take care of a baby, physically, but you also have to learn to be the parent of each child, because each one is different. Thereafter, one must also teach life to one or more little beings, depending on their age and development. Building a healthy and constructive relationship with your child and supporting him so that he flourishes is a constant learning process.

Our advice therefore: allow time for this learning, for discussions among yourselves or with experts, for research, for numerous trials and errors, analyzes and reflections, adjustments and iterations. By placing yourself in a learner's mind, not only will you be more humble, more flexible, more open, but also less stressed and happier, because you won't be trying to get everything right, all the time and the first time.

All your child really needs is your kindness.

2- Your definition of success, you will prepare to see it transform.

When a child enters our lives, he comes to occupy a place currently occupied by something else: hobbies, work, free time. One thing is certain, with his arrival, priorities will be shaken up and perhaps even discovering this new role of parent, you will want to make more room for him, to review your lifestyle, your work, your schedules. . One thing is certain, your expectations will be measured against reality, which could transform the image you have of the future!

Over time, it's quite possible that your definition of a successful life will change - slightly or totally. Our advice therefore: as life is made up of several chapters, remember that your definition of success will often change. That you can do everything, yes, but maybe not everything at the same time.

One way or another, you will be able to compose your own model of success, provided that it is consistent with your needs, your values... and that it is realistic and humanly sustainable. Either way, let your current definition of satisfaction - not your fears - guide your strategies and choices both personally and professionally, you won't regret it.

3- Your family DNA will define you (and review often)

Each parent has an idea of ​​the parent they want to be, very often inspired by role models they have met in their life, by reading they have done or by thoughts they have had. If being a parent is an individual role, starting a family is a joint project that requires a lot of collaboration.

Plan time to discuss your vision of family and parenthood, to identify your common values ​​and priorities and to discuss your personal way of embodying these values ​​on a daily basis with your children.

As with any "social organization", a family culture will take root in your family unit. Be proactive and define the contours and guidelines (what you accept and do not accept) - and revise them often - for a common, complementary and engaging vision.

4- The waves, you will follow

The adventure of parenthood is unpredictable in many ways. Although we project ourselves into an ideal family life, it is certain that daily life will be filled with contradictions, ups and downs.

Remember that most days will be filled with 50% positive feelings and 50% negative feelings. By nurturing realistic expectations and preparing to use strategic agility to navigate more intense or challenging waves while continuing to meet everyone's basic needs within a reasonable time frame (including those of parents), we brings us back to basics and we therefore reduce the pressure of parental performance.

Over time, you will gain confidence and technique, but the waves will still be there!

5- B+, you will aim

Speaking of parental performance, from the start, we advise you to aim for a grade of B+ and not A++.

This will give you the leeway you need to really relish the adventure of parenthood, to respect yourself as humans, and to take care of your little family.

Cultivate presence and satisfaction (rather than perfection). This is possibly THE number one trick to having more fun every day. Your sanity and your offspring will thank you!

6- A win-win approach you will adopt

When things go wrong and dissatisfaction is rampant (there could be so many reasons!), remember this : it's not adult versus adult, or adult versus child, but the parents AND the child, together, against a problem. Instead of sticking to their own positions, confronting each other or tearing each other apart, it is better to team up and seek a win-win-win solution.

7- Space and time for the essentials you will arrange

Becoming a parent is beautiful, it's great and yes, it can be demanding - both emotionally and in terms of time and investment of all kinds. After all, it is an important role.

Each season will bring its share of small and big challenges, small and big learnings, short and long “to-do list”.

Throughout all of this, don't forget to monitor your satisfaction with your personal, professional and family life. Listen to the other parent while taking into account the needs and personality of your child to organize your time and your daily life. You have the right to compose a model that works FOR YOU and drop what does not work for you.

Don't forget that being a parent is a long-term adventure! Learn to pace yourself and measure your expectations, to modulate your actions according to the needs of each person and the context.

Above all, above all, continue to take care of yourself, your health and consult your inner barometer to continue to nourish your parental development!