Parental Delegation: A Practical Guide for Perfectionist Parents | Parental Leadership File

By Dominique Bernèche, founder of Les Belles Combines and Octave

Do you recognize yourself in the phrase "It's faster if I do it myself"? Behind this reflex to control everything often lie our fears and our conditioning as perfectionist parents. Discover how to transform the delegation of family tasks into a development tool for the whole family.

How to overcome parental perfectionism: understand to better delegate

Our society still portrays the image of the parent who must manage everything, know everything, and do everything. This social pressure, often unconscious, pushes us to maintain a facade of total control. “I felt like delegating certain tasks to my children made me a bad mother,” Véronique, 42, told me on Instagram. “It took me a while to understand that it was exactly the opposite: I was depriving them of essential learning opportunities.”

The importance of housework: what the research says

“The two really essential aspects of parenting are housework and love.” This powerful observation by Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of the best-selling book How to Raise an Adult, is based on a remarkable study from Harvard University. The research, conducted over 75 years, reveals a direct link between childhood involvement in household chores and future career success. Far more than just a matter of organization, involving our children in daily tasks lays the foundation for their future success.

Mental Barriers to Delegation: Identifying Our Fears

Resistance to delegation often takes the form of ingrained thoughts that deserve examination:

"I don't trust it, it won't be done well"

This thought often reveals our difficulty in accepting that "different" does not mean "less good." Perfection is not a realistic or desirable standard in learning.

"My children will resist or complain"

This negative anticipation often keeps us from trying. In reality, children often respond better than expected when we present things to them in a positive way and trust them.

"It's my role to manage everything"

This limiting belief confuses "being a parent" with "being of service." Our true role is to coordinate and manage, not to serve. As parents, we are there to guide our children toward autonomy, not to do everything for them. This distinction is crucial for healthy child development and for our own balance.

"I feel guilty giving them chores"

Behind this guilt often lies a misunderstanding of child development. Age-appropriate responsibilities are a gift for their future.

The essential benefits of delegation

For parents

• Reduced mental load : By sharing responsibilities, you free up mental space for other aspects of your life.

• More time for what matters : The time saved can be invested in quality time with your children.

• Less frustration and burnout : Delegation helps you break out of the exhausting cycle of “doing everything yourself.”

• More balanced relationship with children : Trust strengthens family ties.

For children

• Developing autonomy : Each task mastered is a step towards independence.

• Acquisition of practical skills : Domestic skills are essential for their future life.

• Building Self-Esteem : Trust given and successes accumulated build their confidence.

• Preparation for adulthood : Learning responsibilities early eases the transition to adulthood.

The art of delegating well: the 4-step method

1. Demonstrate accurately

"The common mistake is to assume that children naturally know how to do things," notes Dr. Laurent. The demonstration must be:

• Clear and detailed, with each step explained

• Adapted to the child's level of understanding

• Accompanied by explanations of the "why" of things

• Followed by a check of understanding

2. Doing together: active learning

This crucial step builds confidence and skills:

• Accompany without doing instead

• Encourage questions and curiosity

• Value efforts more than results

• Create a safe environment for learning

3. Supervise with kindness

Effective supervision strikes the right balance:

• Observe without systematically intervening

• Stay available for questions

• Give constructive and encouraging feedback

• Allow mistakes as part of the process

4. Let go gradually

This final step requires parental courage:

• Accept that their way is different from yours.

• Celebrate initiative and autonomy

• Maintain confidence even in the face of mistakes

• Adjust your expectations to reality

Delegating Calendar Management: A Learning Opportunity

Delegation isn't limited to household chores. Involving children in managing the family calendar is a great way to develop their sense of organization and responsibility.

Why involve children in planning?

• Develops their awareness of time and organization

• Makes them responsible for events that concern them

• Creates a sense of belonging to family life

• Strengthens their autonomy and confidence

How can we integrate them in concrete terms?

• Have them write down their school activities (outings, special snacks) on the wall planner or in the Octave app

• Encourage them to check the family calendar regularly

• Value their participation in family time management

• Let them participate in planning discussions

The surprising benefits

"The other day, my 10-year-old son reminded his 3-year-old brother that he had a vaccine the next day, reassuring him in the process. Not only did it remind me of the appointment, but I was touched to see this natural mutual support develop thanks to our shared calendar," says Mélanie, mother of two boys.

This involvement in family time management:

• Develops empathy and mutual aid between siblings

• Strengthens memory and sense of responsibility

• Creates natural opportunities for family communication

• Reduces stress from unexpected events

The paradox of time: invest today to win tomorrow

Yes, it’s faster to do things yourself, but that’s short-sighted. The time we invest in our children’s learning today is returned a hundredfold later. Every minute we spend guiding, explaining, and supervising is an investment in:

• The future autonomy of our children

• Lightening our daily load

• Developing essential skills

• Building their self-confidence

Conclusion: towards shared autonomy

Successful delegation creates a virtuous circle: the more children become competent, the more parents trust them, which in turn strengthens their self-confidence and motivation. The more responsibilities we give our children, the more responsible they become. It seems obvious when you say it like that, but in practice, it is a whole philosophy to adopt.

Coming soon in our full report on parental leadership:

• Motivation and routines: the secrets of a committed family

• Family council: your solution in times of demotivation

Want to track your progress? Use our progress guide directly in the Octave app or download its printable version in our free Little Hacks.

🚀 Find this article and much more in the Octave app: shared calendar, collaborative task list, meal planner, centralization of family information and autonomy monitoring - your number 1 ally for an organized family life! 📱✨