When the whole family shares the mental load: practical tools to finally get there!

Reading the book Les Retranchées by Fanny Britt really spoke to me! I love hearing about the reality of other mothers, I like knowing how they experience motherhood and family life, and their daily challenges and anxieties. We are all so different! However, one thing seems to unite us: the weight of the mental load. As Fanny Britt so aptly pointed out, we cannot take away this "emotional anchor"! We seem to be programmed to be more "inhabited by past mistakes, current imperatives and future worries" than our spouses. On the other hand, we can certainly relieve ourselves of it somewhat by sharing part of this load, not only the domestic tasks but also the organization of them!

This is a hobby horse of Les Belles Combines. As soon as I had children, like most mothers of my generation, I thought about stimulating them, making them autonomous, capable of planning, seeing things coming and accomplishing tasks. In my case, it is a constant reflection: professional deformation of a teacher who constantly sees opportunities to stimulate children! In all honesty, I set up monthly and weekly planning tools for this sole purpose. Quite naturally, the mental load was shared between the members of the family and I became much more zen! The more time passed, the more I became aware that our children would one day become fathers and mothers in turn and that it was our role to raise them in a model of equity to change things a little. The more time passed, the more I also realized that my planning tools, in addition to stimulating the children, allowed for this balance that we are all looking for. Here are 10 tips to put into practice so that the family planners Les Belles Combines allow you to “deposit” your mental load and share it with your family.

• Our family planners are placed in places where everyone can see them. Here, we have two monthly planners in the hallway and one weekly planner on the fridge.
• Our planners are at the desired height, that is to say, they are accessible to children. All the material necessary for its use (erasable pencils, magic eraser and magnets ) is also accessible to all.
• We use two monthly planners to "see ahead" the next two months. For later appointments, I use iCal or a paper calendar.
• On our weekly planner, we find the Little Missions of the children as well as the tasks that must be done each week by the parents. The parent who has the most time at their disposal that week accomplishes more tasks. When we both have a very busy schedule, we agree at the beginning of the week on the sharing of tasks.
• On the monthly planner, we have listed five monthly tasks (wash the fridge, wash the stove, wash the floors, dust the baseboards and do the stocking groceries). Again, depending on the time available, each parent does what they are able to do. When we are both very busy, we agree at the beginning of the month on the sharing of tasks. Find more tasks to accomplish monthly on this handy little trick ! (Would you like to have access to this list at all times, directly from your cell phone? Get it for free on our Octave app! )
• Every morning, the oldest child moves the little “today” star on the family planner before leaving for school. This way, everyone can easily find their way around and see the different upcoming events, even the smallest ones.
• Every evening, when the children unpack their school bags, they open their mail. We check together if there are any important dates (extracurricular activity, parents' meeting, class activity, privilege of bringing a toy to class, special snack, etc.) and we ask the children to write them down themselves on the monthly planner.
• Often, before going to bed, we take five minutes to look at the next day on the weekly planner ; what's on the menu, appointments and activities, and each person's weekly task. When possible, we let the children choose when they want to do their task during the day.
• When children spontaneously use one or the other of the family planners, without being asked, we recognize this accomplishment with a General Store token to motivate them to do it more.
• When one of the parents needs to make an appointment, they must consult the monthly planner to make sure they find the best time to make it. This prevents us from having weeks that are too busy filled with appointments and activities.

If you are that spouse who tends to keep everything in their head, insist that everyone get into the habit of using planners and above all, be persistent. The habit will not be created in a few days but over the months. Believe me, everyone will win!

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