

Sharing the Mental Load in Four Steps
14 December, 2022
Want to share the mental load more fairly within your relationship? Follow these four steps and, of course, check out our special Parenting Team report to learn more!
Step #1 - Create your personal time budget
Do you often feel like you do more in your daily life than your partner? Do you lack time for your personal hobbies? Do you have a head full all the time and spend all your days running from one task or appointment to another? Take the time to fill out this time budget in order to reevaluate your schedule and check if your time is allocated to the right places according to your values and priorities.
Check out our handy guide to supplementing your time budget.
Step #2 - Develop the ideal task sharing scenario
It's time to sit down with your spouse and work together to develop your ideal scenario for sharing tasks and, above all, the mental load. Depending on your personal and family reality, determine who will now be the manager of each of the following departments, taking into account the frequency and time required to perform each of the tasks in them. You can also decide now to delegate some of the tasks, taking care to assess the cost and the potential additional mental load. It's also time to assess which tasks could now be the responsibility of the children. Finally, don't forget that this exercise should be repeated every year to ensure that it is working properly and that everyone is feeling good while performing their duties!
Check out our handy guide to building your ideal task sharing scenario.
Step #3 - Complete the family organization chart
So that your children know who to contact when they have a request to make in a particular area, complete this organizational chart of the different departments of the family and put it up in a visible place!
Check out our practical guide to complete your family organization chart.
Step #4 – Hand over power and develop effective processes
If you have been in charge of a department for several years and are now transferring responsibility to your partner, you will of course need to plan a period of time to pass on your knowledge and your different methods to effectively accomplish the tasks related to this department. Here are the five qualities that you will need to demonstrate in order to ensure the transfer of power:
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Be patient:
It probably took you a while to master your department perfectly, so you'll need to be patient before your partner reaches the same level of skill as you.
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Be methodical:
Take the time to think about everything that goes into completing each of the tasks included in your department. Be sure to transfer important phone numbers and emails as well as the different procedures to follow when necessary.
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Be kind:
It's never easy to take over work that someone else has been doing for a long time, so it's important to show your partner some kindness during the transition of power. Things won't be done exactly the way you wanted them to from the start, and that's okay!
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Be available:
You are probably eager to completely transfer your excess share of the family mental load, but you will probably need to remain available for a certain period in order to answer the various questions that your partner might have.
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Be humble:
Even if you believe you have THE way to manage the department you have now transferred responsibility for, several ways of doing things may be good, and you will have to accept that you unfortunately do not hold the key to perfection!